Happy new year! It's currently 10:43... I woke up about 45 minutes ago, and decided that I should start Jan 1st, 2011 off having my quiet time first. I had been doing this study called "Setting Captives Free" which is an online Bible study about... food. Well, not about food exactly, but about feasting at the Lord' Table, feasting from God's Word, and not living in the sin of over eating physical food. Yes, I said sin. (Replacing our ultimate satisfaction of Christ with food that doesn't satisfy, so we just keep eating more)
While doing the study this morning, I got really hungry. Physically hungry. I'm usually not much a breakfast person, but today I am hungry. It's probably because I ate a lot of sugar last night waiting for midnight to roll around. Have you ever noticed that about sugar? You eat a lot of it, and then it like, makes you hungry. I have no idea how the science of all that works, but I know that it's a perfect metaphor for how we live our lives.
Day after day, we feast ourselves on what the world has to offer. It looks good, it tastes good, it feels good, and then hours later we are hungry for more. I know this may be obvious to many people, maybe even cliche, but this is what's been going on. When at the same time, God's Word (ultimate satisfaction... remember "never thirst again") is right in our reach--however, we reach past it for dissatisfaction and death.
I'll be honest and say that the last bit of time in my life, I've been "satisfied." That is, enjoying a masked satisfaction. I've enjoyed certain luxuries and have said no to my conscience enough, to live comfortably, and I thought it felt good. But it doesn't. It's miserable. I've been starving myself of something that's good for me--ultimately the best for me. It's wearing me thin. As I was doing the study this morning and starting feeling physically hungry, I was reminded how spiritually hungry I've been and how much I've been depriving myself of the food that satisfies. Oh, God, how patient you are with me! What have I been doing?
It's an odd concept, but I'm hungry--make that starving-- to do things that make me uncomfortable, things that I actually have to work toward (i.e. having my quiet time DAILY, memorizing Scripture, praying more than just at meal times, obeying those promptings in my conscience, taking on hard challenges).
Sometimes striving after God feels like a one way conversation and it can be hard to listen for His voice. Sometimes it seems like He's not saying anything. However, His Words (which He is speaking) are so. much. more. satisfying than what the world has to offer. I consider this lesson learned, now, in my own life.
God, help me to continue to hunger for You. Satisfy all my desires with Yourself.
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