2:30am. restless.


The only redeeming hope for being held captive to this awakedness would be the glorious sound of rain outside my window. Oh rain. Washing away the grime of the day. Cooling off the remaining heat of the earth, sweltering from the testing, Florida sun. But that was all a long time ago, now.

So many thoughts. So many questions. If only the rain could wash that away, too.

Tomorrow begins early. What am I doing with myself? The question of my calling has come full circle. What seemed so clear now is distant. Surely God did not give me passions to be forsaken. Surely He did not give me talents to be abandoned. Do the two go together? Or was my first calling only a test of willingness? I am willing, God!

I searched my heart, placing things that mattered to me on the altar. Whatever these things were gain to me I count them all as loss in view of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ my Lord. All at once I was reminded to place myself on the altar.

So what can I pursue when my future is here and I lack clear direction? Pray, yes. But also, chase after what has been so clearly revealed in His Word. "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward." Heavenward. I have been called heavenward; To "Set [my] mind on things above, not on the things of the earth."

There is no question here. Nothing vague. No room for misinterpretation. I have been called to live a life of Godliness--wherever I am.

This truth gives me rest. The rain has come and gone again. My eyes are heavy.