Sunday, December 16, 2012

learning from my crazy dreams

I wrote this two days ago but am just getting around to posting it...

I won't say "God spoke to me in a dream" because it was any typical unpredictable, unrealistic, dream where one second you're one place and another second you're somewhere else. But given the tragic events of today I feel like this is a place where I can share my "illumination" if I may be so bold to call it that, and seeing how it was about Jesus, I'll accept the spiritual application.

I was leaving church on a Wednesday night.  On the way to the car, I heard a trumpet faintly sounding. Then I heard it again. Given it's quiet tone, I thought "Surely this isn't Jesus coming back." But then I looked up in the sky. The clouds were splitting, and smoke and lightening suddenly appeared. Mom saw it, too. This was it. Jesus was coming back. 

I ashamedly thought to myself "I'm not ready for this." 

Maybe it was because there were life events yet to be experienced, but upon waking up I was overcome with conviction a) for selfishly desiring earthly things over being with Christ and b) for not living as if He could come back any minute. I instantly started praying. It was just a dream, but I was shaken to the core. How was I spending my time? How was I living? Why had I not been telling people about Jesus? I realized I had gotten so comfortable with my life, and I was disgusted with myself. 

Fast forward to today. The Connecticut shooting was all over my newsfeed. So many different reactions all at once "Heinous, Lord have mercy, what if that was me, Jesus come quickly..." I wondered how long will He be patient? How long will He be merciful? Merciful? Yes. Merciful. Every day that we live on this earth that reeks of sin and evil and hurt is a day that we are given a chance to turn from our own wicked ways and accept Jesus' forgiveness and ultimately, His eternal security. I felt like, though I desire to be with Jesus, I could not beg Him to come quickly, when people, especially now, need Him so much.  Dad mentioned in a sermon a few weeks ago, "What if Jesus had returned the day before you were saved?" Granted, these are my feelings. God has His timetable, and it will be right on schedule. 

No one knows when, but I was reminded yet again, today, that I need to be sharing the Hope I have, speaking the Truth I believe, and living out what it means to be a true follower of Christ... more and more every day. This isn't a guilt trip. This is recalibration; an incredible opportunity. People are searching for hope, comfort, peace, a reason for living, and we have One that will last for all of eternity. 


"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

It's been a while...

Helloooooo.

My thoughts on how long it's been since I've blogged were intensified when I signed in and the dashboard layout had changed so much it took me forever to find the "new post" button. Glad we got that out of the way.

Instead of writing out specific details of what a crazy weekend I had, I will just say it was crazy. Crazy, but filled with priceless nuggets of God's grace.  I got to sing at a women's luncheon at First Baptist Weston, and what I thought was going to be an act of service on my part, well, I was the one who was blessed and benefited from it greatly. Possibly more on that later.  And then Mother's day... I have the best mother on the planet. And after organizing mother's day dinner... well, it made me appreciate her all the more.

Monday was recovery day. I did not feel guilty one bit for sleeping in and just meandering around the house for most of the day. Today, of course, is Tuesday and today has been a day of revelations (also running errands and catching up on work).  I'm just gonna go ahead and say it... staying on track while working on my own projects from home is hard. Some days I wonder if this is the best idea (not that I really have any other options) other days I have no doubt that this is where God wants me (the second one wins).

I went to a new Bible study tonight at a friend's house... we're going through this book: "The Disciplines of a Godly Woman" of all things. Discipline has never been a fun word for me because I lack so much of it, but tonight's chapter "Discipline of the Gospel" cut straight to the heart. It was amazing to me how refreshing it is to just go back to the core of the Gospel... reminded me of the book I started reading (and now need to go back and finish) God is the Gospel. "For Christ died for sins... to bring us to God" I didn't come up with this, but the Gospel is not just for the unbeliever, but for the Christian too. I feel strong enough, by God's grace, to tackle this.

I am very excited about what God has in store through studying this book and of course, His Word. I feel like God has reignited passions that have been dormant over the years.  Former callings that I was so sure about, but seemed to somewhat come to a dead end, now have resurfaced... the end is not necessarily in sight, but the next step is pending.  I was brought back to Jeremiah 1 today. This passage has always captivated me, and I feel like I have had this same conversation with God, so now I'm having it again.  Feel free to own it for yourself.


The word of the Lord came to me, saying,

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. ”

“Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”

But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.  

Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth.  See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.” 

Jeremiah 1:4-10

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Rat-a-too-ee

Bonjour!

Today has been monumentally happy. I got to spend the entire day with the most amazing sister in the universe. And here's how we closed our evening:



The Ratatouille soundtrack has been playing quite a bit around here (enough that I owe the library a pretty penny in late fees). So finally, we broke down and made the "peasant dish" with a fancy twist. Always wanted to try it....

At promptly 7:3opm, Glory and I turned on our imaginations and arrived at Gusteau's (or some equally extravagant French restaurant). Glory had the brilliant idea of speaking in accents, however French has always been difficult for me, so we switched things up and agreed that we were British tourists...


It turned out pretty good, if I do say so, but seeing how every ingredient in Ratatouille is not highly favored by a certain 9-year-old, Glory had mac'n'cheese for her first course. She did say though, after giving the ratatouille a brave try, that it was "interesting."

The finished product:

I was quite proud of how it turned out... but I must say the best moment of the night was when my sister leaned over, turned off her accent and said "This is so fun." That was more rewarding than anything. But of course we had to finish with something sweet:


It may not look like much... but it's red velvet cake with homemade cream cheese icing topped with berries. Delish. And of course, we had to finish our date with the actual movie... Glory made tickets :)

(I'm still a child apparently)

Anyway, hope you enjoyed a snippit from our evening. I have one awesome sister, I tell ya.


http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/07/rat-a-too-ee-for-you-ee/

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Justified

Just as if I never stumbled
Never cheated, never lied
Never made myself an idol
Never gave into my pride
Just as if I never failed You
Or in my shame, my faith denied
All the guilt from where I fell,
You took it all upon Yourself
And You declared me: Justified.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Why I Love

Well, a very happy Valentines Day to you. Or Just-Friends Day. Or Single's Awareness Day. Or in my case, Just Another Day. Whichever suits you best. I hope it is indeed happy for you.

Today has been quite happy for me. The weather is perfect. I went around the house taking pictures of things that make me smile. Then I ate a yummy breakfast in the company of my favorite family. And later, I have a date with a film score. Yes, it's a good day.




But of course, thoughts of love are inevitable. I read this today and it filled my heart with more happiness than anything pink. You hear bits and pieces quoted here and there, but reading it straight through, in it's context, I felt so encouraged and inspired to love. So much truth and power packed into these verses...

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. 1 John 4:7-21

Monday, January 23, 2012

MY FAMILY COMES HOME TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life These Days

I thought I would take a little longer than a minute to talk about what I do and what I plan on doing. It's counter-cultural. It's humbling because I have so far to go. It's also far-fetched at first glance. When I talk about my methods of learning, I have to talk out of both sides of my mouth. I support college education and think it is extremely vital to a properly functioning world... but I'm currently not going to college and have no plan on going back. I took classes for a year and a half. It was not a waste of time. It was extremely foundational. I use the knowledge I acquired during that period of time every day. So why didn't I go back?

Well, the easy reason was that I just couldn't afford it. When the time was right for me to go, the money was there. So lack of finances definitely helped make that decision. But remove the financial factor, and the decision was still not an easy one. I got a lot of counsel from different people in the particular field that I am pursuing and all of them agreed: college is helpful, but not essential. As long as I can prove what I know, there is opportunity. It doesn't necessarily matter how or where I learned how to do it. It matters that I can do it. So what is this "it" exactly that I'm trying to learn?

This is where it's a little embarrassing. I tell people that I'm independently studying filmscoring/songwriting. Think filmscore, and you automatically think major film. John Williams. No, I'm not trying to be John Williams. Think songwriting, and it sounds like I'm trying to be... oh I don't know... Taylor Swift. I'm definitely not trying to be Taylor Swift (although she is adorable). I'm trying to be the best I can possibly be, but I'm not trying to be famous. If a miracle happened and I got a chance to be a part of a major major major project, I'd take it. But for now, here are my goals:

I'll tackle songwriting first. I started writing songs about five years ago. Right now it's more of a hobby than anything else. It's an outlet for creativity, and so when a song is finished I feel a huge sense of accomplishment and release. If I had a goal with songwriting, it'd be to continue recording my own songs, independently, and hope that it encourages whoever listens to it. I write about my experiences, what God is teaching me, my relationships with other people, my hopes and dreams, and I realize that a lot of that is relative to others. So if someone else is able to identify, is encouraged, and is drawn closer to the Lord by listening to a song of mine, then I consider it a success. If God has bigger plans for my songs, then I'm open to that. If they're used in churches, then that would be incredible. If they end up on the radio one day, that'd be icing on the cake. If I go on tour, well that would just be a dream. But I don't expect any of that.

Film scoring. It's something I thought would be so cool. I originally wanted to study commercial music (in short, writing music for commercials. Correct title: spot artist) because it would help me gain experience in writing for different genres, thus helping my songwriting abilities. My parents have always encouraged me to add complexity in my songs... which requires more thought, time, and skill. I figured studying film scoring would help out in this area. During the process of figuring out how I would go about learning this, I discovered that I really did like film music and that, hey, writing for an actual film would be fun. It was also during this time that I met John Campbell, and once I found out more about what he does... well, I discovered my new dream job. In some ways music for commercials is very similar to film scores, but shorter (good for my short attention span). Down the road, if this was something I could actually get good at, I'd love to do scores for the independent Christian film world. If it went bigger than that... I'd probably accept. But again, that's dreaming big. I found out that life has many sound tracks... What about the music that they play at Disney World? Or Miami Sea Aquarium? Or even the mall? Granted, Muzak makes a lot of those decisions, but someone has to compose the actual music. It's the behind the scenes type work that I like.

My ultimate dream job? Wife and mother. Short and simple. I've thought and prayed about how to find a balance between working and starting a family. I feel like as long as family comes first, the two can work together nicely. I feel like God has given me passions and talents for this area, and that once I have a family of my own, it would not be glorifying to God to just throw them out of the window. Either career can be done at home, on my own schedule, and can work around having a family.

But since the whole family thing seems a loooong ways off, I'm satisfied to stay in my garage and learn.

My techniques for learning? Listening, Reading, Doing.

I don't have a fixed curriculum. I listen to a lot of music. I read books and blogs. I watch a lot of tutorials off of macprovideo.com. I youtube and google quite a bit. I take a lot of notes. Now doesn't that sound professional? I know, it doesn't. But again, this is a field where I just have to prove I know what I'm doing. If I need help proving that, I found out Berklee has certification tests I can take for a resume. I might do that.

I can get discouraged at times thinking nothing I'm doing is actually credible. But I feel like this is where God wants me, and that He's made that clear. And really, there's no better place to be than at the center of His will. He's provided opportunities to learn, to create music, and to study under professionals in this field. I am very blessed.

So until something changes, I keep writing.



My classroom.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

These Dishes

The boxes have come out of storage. "Grace's China" is written in cursive on each side along with a few "fragile" warnings. I've always known that there's more than dishes in these boxes, but was recently reminded of the sentiment that they contain.

Somehow the boxes had gotten wet, so I had to move the dishes to a different location. As I rinsed each piece of china, my mind raced forward.

-I pictured unpacking them in a tiny house that will one day be my home.

-I imagined putting them on display in a china cabinet that probably came from Salvation Army and was a splurge for my not-so-well-off husband and me to get.

-On that same note, I envisioned them being one of my most valuable possessions. And here's why:

I have no idea what they're financially worth, and frankly, I don't care if they came from Dollar General (although I highly doubt they did). They are invaluable to me because of who gave them to me. These dishes were given to my grandmother as her wedding present, and now she has passed them on to me. DeDe means the world to me. All my life I have been blessed to be near her. I have learned with her, laughed with her, cried with her, prayed with her--she is one amazing person. I marvel at her insight and her love for the Lord and hope that one day, somehow, I can continue on her legacy.

In the mean time, the dishes are again, packaged (thank goodness I found a use for those sheets of Power Rangers tissue paper--really, why was that in our house?!). The dishes are in my hope chest... waiting. I hope to put them on display one day. I hope to have you over at my house and serve you something tasty on them. By the way, those angels are salt and pepper shakers... awww!

And while I'm thinking about it... I consider myself so blessed to have close relationships with both sets of grandparents. Even more, I am blessed that all four of them love the Lord. Praise God for His goodness. James 1:17

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Garden

Howdy.

Well, I have decided that I won't blog every day. Yep, another resolution out the window :)

Not really.

I realized that I can run out of stuff to write about pretty fast, so I'm thinking once a week. Every Monday. In the mean time, here's a new song.

Garden by Grace Coleman

I realize it's a bit repetitive. I usually try to shy away from that, but sometimes I just need to reflect and say something over and over again until I believe it.

The melody also took me back to when my family and I visited the botanical gardens in Washington, DC. Absolutely stunning. Thus, where I found the inspiration for the first verse.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Jan 8

I don't have much to say today except to quote from the hymn we sang this morning:

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.
I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is vain

I need Thee, Oh, I need Thee
Every hour, I need Thee....



My view.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Jan 7

Today was filled with all sorts of wonderfulness. Spent almost the whole day babysitting my favorite little guy. Then I picked up my awesome friend Leah and headed to Erika's house for a pinterest party. What is a pinterest party? Well.. it looks something like three girls making a huge mess of Mexican food in the kitchen... it turned out quite tasty. And I only had to make the lime-cilantro rice twice!
Once again, stuck with my phone as a camera... but it's a picture! In other events, I actually used a sewing machine today and it didn't blow up or anything. Leah and I are spending the night here at Erika's. And I'm tired. Good night all.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Day 6 (more like day 2)

Highlights of the day:

I dropped a chair on my big toe. It really hurts (Not a good highlight)

Grabbed dinner with my grand parents. They are truly grand. (Good highlight)

AND I went to my first soccer game. Ever. So, here is my picture as both proof and my picture for January 6 :) Had a great time watching and chatting with one of my best friends, Erika Rein. So thankful for her.


A photographer, I am not. That, and my phone takes TERRIBLE pictures... I should start carrying my camera with me so they're not 100% lame.

Well, to make up for the poor quality of that photo I will attach something else. Shout out to my friend Daniel Pardo who is letting me borrow one of the most epic musical compilations my ears have had the privilege of listening to. I've literally been playing it ALL day. The mail man came up to my door and said, "Something sounds good!" Daniel may not get it back... Anywho, the following is a link to my favorite song off the album "Goat Rodeo" featuring Yo-Yo Ma, Edgar Meyer, Chris Thile, and Stuart Duncan (Yeah, I had never heard of the last three people either). Actually, I can't decide between Attaboy and Quarter Chicken Dark, so you get both. Aren't you lucky.

So far 2012 is going pretty well. Hope it is for you too! God is good.

Oh, here's something I've been mulling over lately... Psalm 84:11 is one of my favorite verses because of the first half which says "the Lord is a sun and shield; the Lord gives Grace and Glory" I think you can see why. But the second part is what's been sticking with me lately... "No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly" ...it goes hand in hand with Romans 8:28. However, I think many people glance over the qualification... "those who walk uprightly" and "those who love God and are called according to His purpose" But as I've been talking this one through with my friend Laura, I'm realizing that sometimes those "good things" that God does not withhold from us are hard things. They don't feel like good things at the time because they hurt... but they're good because they are shaping us into who God has created us to be. They are sanctifying us, making us holy, making us more like Christ, and therefore it is indeed good. Man, just thinking about that amazes me. If you're striving to be like Christ and are facing something difficult, be encouraged. This is a good thing.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

A picture/post a day...

What am I getting myself into... I never thought I'd do this, but since I've been clogging up everyone's news feed on facebook with pictures, I figured I'd just do it here under a New Year's Resolution that I had no intention of making... This also means I'll be blogging EVERY DAY.

yikes.

Well, I realize that it is already five days into the new year. However, like I mentioned earlier, I've already been taking some pictures so I'm only like, two days late. Let me fill you in...


Today, January 5th, I am back in the "studio" recording a recently-completed song. We'll see how long this takes.

While I may not have taken this picture on the actual 4th, we'll say that I did. My sound libraries came in the mail.. I'm still riding the wave of excitement. :D Now I'm just waiting for a hard drive dock to come in the mail so I can actually use them. I am happy. I am poor.


This must have been January 3rd... this is what happens when I leave my sister in my room alone. It will stay there. And yes, that's my deodorant chillin with Shia Labeouf, who is just just hanging out on a necklace.

See ya tomorrow! And the next day. And the next.